Chapter 8

Led to Phoenix

   On the Labor Day weekend 1993, Donnie Reagan was holding a series of meetings in Phoenix, Arizona at Ron Peterson’s church. Linda, Carin, Brian, Aaron and I decided to go to these meetings with our adopted grandparents, Lorraine & LaVelle Sheppard. What a series of meetings!

    The first meeting was on Friday night and something unusual happened. There were so many people attending that they asked all of the men to come sit up on the front platform to make more room for people in the pews. So here I end up dressed in my Sunday best, right on the front of the platform. I was trying to look inconspicuous because, although no one else knows it, I am an adulterer!  I felt like everyone was staring at me. Well,  it was a wonderful service and as the service ended something else happened that really touched me. I needed to go get something out of the car so I was walking back towards the rear of the parking lot. A little kid was running towards me and as he got close to me he stopped, stuck out his hand, shook my hand,  said, "God Bless You", and then sped off again.

    Something deep inside me cried "Oh God!, this is the kind of atmosphere I wanted to live in and raise my children in!" A bunch of us went out to a restaurant after the service. How at home I felt immediately!

    The next day Lorraine and LaVelle (who had already made the decision to move to Phoenix)  Linda and I went off to look at housing. Throughout the day we all joked that we might as well look for a house for Linda and I, since we were already out looking. That night we again had a wonderful service and we got into bed early. The next morning was a turning point in my life.

    I might forget a lot of things but I will never forget that sermon or its title, Spiritual Adultery. As in the previous services, I was sitting up on the front platform, but this time I was sitting somewhat behind Donnie Reagan. As he announced the title I felt my heart jump inside almost like an electric shock! The service began with Donnie explaining spiritual adultery by comparing it with natural adultery. The Holy Spirit was playing on my heart strings. Every point he brought out went directly to my soul. It was like a powerful light illuminating all the dark, hidden things of the night. All of the examples he used I knew of because I was involved in them. There was no doubt whatsoever that God himself was speaking directly to me through this pastor. No one else could relate so well with what I was, and had been, doing and going through. It was as though someone, who loved me very much, had His arm around me, was speaking to me, telling me what I had been doing wrong and gently telling me that this could not go on any longer. I was crying almost the whole service and I doubt if anyone knew why. It didn’t matter because someone was speaking to me - that someone was God himself.

    Think back to when you were little. Were you ever lost, been lost to the point you didn’t know if you would ever be found? So afraid and so alone. At long last do you remember the joy you felt when you finally saw a familiar face? You were not alone, someone was there to help, you were safe. That was a picture of me.  As I said, I spent almost the whole service crying. I realized with everything inside me that there was still hope for me. I knew that God wouldn’t go to the trouble of showing me all of the dark things in my life if he hadn’t already made a way of escaping the consequences. But the way of a transgressor is hard and there were things yet to be done before my soul was not in shadow. Listen to the song;  Feel the Nails.

    We all left for home the next day and on the way back we all were discussing moving to Phoenix. I thought that the rest of the family would not be too thrilled with my suggestion,  but to my surprise,   almost everyone seemed enthused by the idea. We decided that if it be the will of the Lord, he would make everything fall into place.

    When we got home the first thing we did was to put our home up for sale. It would be virtually impossible for us to move with the money we were making,  so the selling of our house was imperative. The realtor was enthusiastic and thought we would sell quickly.

    We made a weekend trip back to Phoenix in October to look for a house and for me to look for a job. We had gotten ourselves a realtor and he started taking Linda around looking for a home. I got into the phone book and started calling people about interviewing for a job. Linda saw plenty of houses but nothing struck her or I as being the right one. I talked to plenty of electrical wholesalers but no one was interested in a salesman or manager at that time. However,  one incident took place that was intriguing to say the least.

    When we had made our first trip to Phoenix on Labor Day we had driven around to look for houses for Lorraine & LaVelle Sheppard. There was one that we both kind of liked in the Peoria area of town. We asked our realtor and he wasn’t too enthusiastic about taking us over to Peoria. After we had seen numerous houses we point blank told him that the following day we wanted to go to Peoria. As we were walking back into the hotel for dinner Linda saw a lady, coming out of the bar, that she recognized as someone who she had seen also looking for houses. We stopped and they started talking about house-hunting.

    When Linda mentioned that we were going to Peoria the next day, the lady got this totally blank, expressionless look on her face and said in a totally monotone voice, "You don’t want to move to Peoria!"

    We were both shocked to say the least. We didn’t know these people and the circumstances surrounding her comment were bizarre,  to say the least. We questioned her and she said that Peoria was a bad area of town. Okay, we accepted that and off we went to dinner.

    As we sat down a waiter, whom we didn’t know nor had we ever seen before, came and poured us some water and as he turned to walk off he also said, with a funny look on his face, "You don’t want to move to Peoria!" then turned and walked away.

    We were stunned! Linda was the first one to recover and said, "Well, it looks like we’re not supposed to move to Peoria!" I agreed and she quoted;

2nd Corinthians 13:1
 In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established.

We both agreed that it looked like we were being guided away from Peoria.

    The next day we went in the opposite direction of Peoria and found a house that we both liked. We liked it enough that we put some earnest money down on it. Although we both liked the house there was one thing that we both felt uncomfortable with - it was too far away from church. After we returned home to Idaho we felt uncomfortable enough to call the salesman and cancel our option on the house. We just didn’t feel right about it.

    During this time I was struggling with how to tell Susan that the affair was over and I would not be keeping my promise to her. When I finally got up the courage and told her, to say she was upset would be the understatement of the year. She was hurt and mad (rightly so) and I felt terrible. She was so mad that she hung up on me. We talked over the next couple of days and then she started talking suicidal. Oh boy, was that hard for me to handle. I never prayed so hard in my life that the Lord would not allow her to commit suicide!  I never dreamed that I could be the cause of so much hurt and pain, nor that I could drive someone to consider something so drastic or final. You might think that I got off pretty easy but I’ll never forget the hurt and anger in her voice, all because of me and my selfishness. I still get cold chills if I think of her committing suicide. I couldn’t sleep very well for a long time. And still this ordeal was not quite over yet.

    One of the things that I have been taught in my Christian walk is that if you commit a sin against someone, before you can ask God’s forgiveness, you need to ask forgiveness from the person you sinned against; in this case, my wife Linda. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I knew I was going to break her heart because I had broken her trust, but yet I had to do it.

    I remember vividly the incident. The kids were all going to be gone for a day or two, staying with friends. I planned to do this on a Friday night because I knew this was going to be traumatic, for both of us. After we had eaten we were up in our bedroom and I told her that I had been having an affair.

    With a shocked look she asked me, "You’ve done this to me again?"

    I answered, "Yes", and proceeded to tell her the entire story.

    She was crying silently as I related what had happened and why I thought it had happened. Toward the end of the story she was crying pretty hard and she allowed me to take her in my arms. She was crying like her heart was breaking and I guess it probably was. I was crying also because it hurt so bad to see her so hurt. I had violated that special trust  that a husband and wife should have and it would never be the same again.

    She asked who the lady was and I told her "Susan" and she asked how she was reacting to all of this. I told her about the anger and betrayal and her contemplating suicide and she said she would pray for her. Amazing! In the midst of this kind of betrayal one of her first comments was her concern for some one else. Some one she had every right to hate!

    Well,  the weekend was pretty rough.  She needed plenty of time to think and for us to talk alone. I had asked her to forgive me and she did. Her comment to me was that; " this could never happen again but that, if she expected grace from God,  she had to extend grace to me." I still cannot think of this without getting all misty inside. Here I had hurt her so badly and she still loved me. I could betray her so thoroughly and yet she could still want to spend her life with me. Grace, who can measure the power and strength of Grace.

    One thing I might mention though - there is a big difference between forgiving and forgetting. My wife is a woman and,  occasionally,  I will see in her eyes that she is far away. Once in a while there will also be a tear in those eyes and I know what she is thinking of and it burns in my memory also. She can forgive but she is not yet able to forget, but remarkably God can not only forgive, but forget also.

    I had sinned against not only my wife but also against my marriage vows. Those vows were made before witnesses and before God.

Hebrews 8:12
For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.

    I have asked God’s forgiveness and it has been granted, because that is what he promised. But in addition, it has been forgotten!  How can our finite minds embrace such a concept?  The God that created everything that ever has been, is now, or will be can chose to remember no more our sins and iniquities. If you can catch this concept, understand this truth, then you will be one step closer to comprehending salvation.

    Well, after relieving myself of that burden, we continued waiting on the Lord to give us a sign that we were supposed to move to Phoenix. About the middle of November I got a response to one of my résumés and Linda and I again made a trip to Phoenix. I went to the job interview and Linda went out house-hunting with the realtor. The job interview didn’t click and neither did the house-hunting. With me being so long away from the Lord I wasn’t particularly attuned to His leading and we began to wonder if we were supposed to be in Phoenix at all. Certainly our desire was there, but we were trying to be very careful and make sure that what we were doing was right.

    We’ve since discovered that there can be number of reasons why this type of delay could occur. It could be that the Lord doesn’t want us to move, or at least move to Phoenix. It could be that the Lord wants us to move, although Satan is hindering the move in one fashion or another.   Or it could be that the Lord wants us to move, but perhaps the time isn’t right.

    At any rate,  things didn’t seem to be falling in place. We had had no offers on our house in Twin Falls, we really didn’t have a clear leading as to what we were supposed to do and neither the job or house-hunting seemed to be bearing any fruit. Then we made a third trip to Phoenix.  Boy, was that an exciting difference!

    As I said,  we were pretty much at our wit's end,  but we continued to believe that our wanting to move to Phoenix to attend that church was the correct thing to do. It was the end of November or the first week of December in 1994 when we made our third trip. We had made arrangements with Lorraine & LaVelle Sheppard to spend the time with them since they had already moved to Phoenix. I called some of the people that I had sent résumés and four or five scheduled interviews with me. (Whoa! That was sure different).

    We flew in late on a Thursday evening, found a motel and got some sleep. Lorraine dropped off LaVelle on Friday morning and he and I went off to the interviews. Linda stayed at the motel because the realtor was supposed to pick her up about 9:00AM to look at some more homes.

    The first interview went very well and the company offered me a job making more money than I was in Idaho. I went to the second interview and they also offered me a job; as the assistant manager, making about 25% more money. The third interview also went well. They indicated that they would have an opening in the very near future and I could have the job if I wanted.

    Boy,  what a morning!   Three interviews and three job offers making more money. No, we were not moving for the money but,  nevertheless,  it was sure encouraging. Lorraine had finished her errands so she, LaVelle and I went to lunch. I knew which job I desired but I wanted to pray and discuss the different ones before I accepted any of them. As we talked about the different jobs I felt pretty settled which one to take; the one where I would be assistant manager.

    After lunch I called the president of the company and accepted the employment offer. That same afternoon I toured the facility where I would be working. The more we talked and the more I saw, the more excited I became. I immediately felt very comfortable with the people and the business operations. They had one request - that I start the first week of January, 1994.