Chapter 26

Reasons Why

    From the time of the accident I wondered why the Lord would allow something like this to happen to me.  I had gone over to Zimbabwe to do His work. Many wonderful and miraculous things happened to me before the accident and the question lingered in the back of my mind, why did the accident happen?

    I had spoken with one of my friends in Idaho during my recovery and he suggested that my accident was probably punishment for my turning my back on what he perceived as the truth,  and because of my affair. 

Job 16:2-3
I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all.  Shall vain words have an end? or what emboldeneth thee that thou answerest?

    This tormented me constantly for months and months. I had not even spoken about this to Linda or Bro. Ron and I’m glad I didn’t,  for the Lord answered that question during one evening service late in 1995. Bro. Ron was speaking about the trials that Christians go through and I remember feeling very fragile, emotionally. He seemed to pause right in the middle of the sermon, looked at me and said something like, "Bro. John, your accident was not punishment for something you had done wrong, your accident was a trial for you and your family." Well,  that just broke me up. No one but God knew the inner turmoil I was experiencing and no one but God could give me the kind of peace that that comment gave me.

Other Voices - Ron Peterson

A Balm in Gilead
   Several months later Bro. John was well into his rehabilitation and he was sitting on a pew during one of my sermons. As I was preaching,  it seemed as though the Lord was discerning Bro. John's heart and I knew he was deeply troubled  within himself as to why all this happened -  perhaps even that he had failed the Lord. So, right in the middle of the sermon, not being able to hold it back any longer, I looked right at him and said, "Brother John, God was not punishing you there in Africa.  You didn't fail the test.  God was just building your character."  Immediately his face lit up and there was that big infectious smile on his face again, accompanied with tears in his eyes.  Romans 8:28 in action.

Romans 8:28 
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

   Even though I now knew that the trial wasn’t punishment for something I had or hadn’t done, nor was it my fault,  I still wondered and prayed occasionally about why did it happen. The Lord often does many things at the same time. Maybe it was to help me grow closer to him. Maybe it was for those around me, those who would see my plight and learn something from it. 

    Since my return from Africa I had continued to have trouble, primarily with my two oldest sons, Ben and Brian. The strain on Ben during my time in the African hospital was enormous. He was having to supervise his two brothers and his sister and that didn’t go over too well. Communications with Linda were very sporadic and coupled with the fact that no one knew if I was going to live or die, it was too much for him to handle. He returned to drugs. After I got out of the hospital,  some things happened that eventually led to me kicking my son out of the house.

    Brian, who had gotten engaged to a young lady, had a very bizarre relationship with her; constantly fighting with verbal abuse on both sides.  When she showed up at the church with another young man hence calling off the engagement, he reacted by trying to commit suicide. Needless to say,  Linda and my thoughts were very troubled about our sons.

    I had started back to work, in May of 1995, as a salesman for WESCO Distribution, formally Westinghouse Electric Supply. One day, in the spring of 1996, I was eating my lunch in the park near my work and something significant happened. Whether it was a day-dream or a vision I do not know,  but I believe that the Lord showed me, in something that I could relate to, the reason for my accident.

    The setting of the vision, or whatever it was, took place on a battlefield. I was the commander and all of my family were soldiers in this battle,  except for my daughter Carin. We were fighting an unseen enemy in rolling hill type of country. The battle consisted of long periods of lurking danger and brief moments of furious encounters with the unseen enemy. At the height of the battle I was injured and Linda, coming to my aid, took me away from the battle. The battle continued in our absence with the rest of the platoon, our sons, fearfully being overwhelmed one by one and taken prisoner. At that point the vision ended.

    You remember that just before I had left for Zimbabwe I had seen all of my sons, united in prayer, at the altar. That was the first time that our entire family had been united in sincere prayer.  Satan could not allow that powerful force to go unchallenged. The meaning to me was very clear. We uphold one another, especially in prayer, and one of Satan’s tactics to destroy us, and our families, is to break us apart. Isolate us, play on our fears, deceive us into thinking that we are alone when, in fact, the most powerful force ever known is standing right beside us, to carry us when we are too weak. Jesus Christ, an ever present help in time of trouble.

    While getting that answer from the Lord was very encouraging, one thought that continued to plague me was the thought that I had failed the test. I know that everything that happens to a Christian will be for their own good and sometimes multiple reasons are involved in most trials. I had a partial answer as to why the accident (test) had happened - but my weakness, my failing to trust that God had everything under control, continued to haunt me. After reading the account of my time in the hospital you must agree that I displayed little faith in God.

    In the spring of 1996 Bro. Gideon Rateif, from South Africa, ministered at another minister’s convention in British Columbia. Afterward, on his way home, he stopped by our church in Phoenix and ministered a message called The Law of Temptation. This message was startling to me! As a text he took;

Matthew 4:1-11
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.  The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread."  Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"  Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written: "'He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'"   Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"  Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all  the kingdoms of the world and their splendor."All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'"   Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.

    This message burst like a bombshell to me! In all three cases where Jesus was tempted by Satan, he answered not with railing accusations but simply with the word of God; It is written . . . It is written . . . IT IS WRITTEN!

    The whole essence of Christianity is giving ourselves to Jesus Christ and letting Him live through us - walking through this world with our feet, seeing this world with our eyes, and speaking to this world with our voices. I had not failed the test! Jesus Christ, living in me, when I was too weak (spiritually) to answer, answered for me. Remember?

Late one night was laying in my bed, exhausted. The shooting pains in my right leg had left me weak, shaking and I was crying. All of a sudden a peace came over me and a voice clearly said, "Whatsoever thou asketh will be given." I knew who was speaking to me, my Lord. I knew also, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I asked for a miracle, my leg would be instantly healed and I would walk out of that hospital. And I wanted that more than anything else in the world. But, the answer that came out of my mouth was, "Not my will, but thy will be done."

Have you ever said something and then set back and asked yourself, where did that come from? That is exactly what happened to me. I wanted to go home, I couldn’t take any more and here was my opportunity, but something inside me answered, "Not my will, but thy will be done", and then I went to sleep.

    I have never been the same since that service. I have had a peace in my life that I cannot really put into words. To paraphrase scripture, I know that my Lord is with me,  even in me. Does that mean I don’t have troubles? Does that mean everything will be smooth sailing? No, but it does mean that I am never alone.  I know that my Lord is always with me.