Chapter 6

My Fall

    This was a very troubled time in our marriage. We started having some problems with our two oldest boys and I had difficulty dealing with those problems. I had been having problems at work because I wasn’t feeling appreciated and I saw my options for the future dwindling. Basically,  I was bored with my life and seemed to be direction-less. In the midst of this,  something very significant happened.

    You remember that before I had gotten married I had been messing around with a girl and thought I had gotten her pregnant. Well,   a couple of years prior we had had a 20 year class reunion. Susan (not the lady’s real name) did not attend,  nor was her address or phone number in the reunion book. About the same time I was having trouble in my personal life, we had gotten an update from the reunion committee. Low and behold, there was her name, address and phone number. I   told myself the reason I needed to call her was to find out if she had really been pregnant by me and if I had another child that I didn’t know about.

    She was going through a troubled time in her life (a divorce), so we had much to talk about. I did find out that,   although she had had a child, it was by another guy in Baltimore. As we continued to talk that same old passion raised it’s ugly head and we promised to keep in touch. We started calling and writing to each other frequently. One thing led to another,   we met in Las Vegas and an affair was started. My life, at this point, was characterized by lying, cheating and deception.

    About this same time, my company offered me the position of manager in our Elko, Nevada store. I was still dedicated to my customers and for some time I had not been pleased with how the store in Elko was being run. I jumped at the chance,  even though I would be away, living in a motel, 3-4 evenings a week. About this same time Susan’s divorce was completed and she wanted to move away from her ex-husband. I suggested moving closer to me. Since she was a good psychiatric nurse, working for a nationwide company, it was easy to find her a job in Reno, Nevada. One more lie about a business trip and I got her moved to Reno, Nevada - about 4 hours away from me in Elko. She arranged her schedule so she worked 12 hour shifts on the weekends and would come to Elko to spend the week with me. Everything was working out so perfectly, it was almost like someone was planning it. Someone was! (Satan)

    An affair is basically about selfishness. I want this and I want that,  and the consequences don’t matter. I told you that I was basically unhappy at home, primarily because of my two oldest sons. It seemed like every time I came home from Nevada there was another problem that I had to deal with. So, not wanting to deal with the situations, I selfishly made excuses to stay in Nevada. This may sound funny, and hard to believe,  but I never stopped loving my wife. I did, however, let my passions decide my course of actions. As I said, I selfishly thought only of myself and no one else.

    One other consequence of these types of actions it spoken of in the Bible, and it’s really scary.

II Thessalonians 2:12
For this reason God sends them a powerful delusion so that they will believe the lie and so that all will be condemned who have not believed the truth but have delighted in wickedness.

    Do you understand what this is saying? It’s one thing to be involved in a situation like this and know that it’s wrong. What this is saying is that,  when you make a decision to not follow the truth, you will be allowed to go your way. But you will start believing that what you are doing is okay! You will be deceived!

    This really happened to me. As the affair progressed, so did the problems at home. I became so deceived that I believed that I alone was the cause of the all of the problems we were having at home. I started to think that it would be better for me to leave. I might add that by now I was messing around with yet another woman on the side who was not divorced.

    I was ready to divorce my wife. By this time I really believed that it would be for the best. I knew my wife was a better person than I and I was sure she could do a better job raising the kids without me. I was going down and wasn’t coming up again, although I was still deceived and thought things would be better. I was a true Laodicean.

                    Revelation 3:14-17

"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm-- neither hot nor cold-- I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. 

    To put this into one word, deceived . . .DECEIVED!  No self esteem, no remorse, no future. I was close to throwing everything away that really mattered in my life. And then, when all was about to be lost, grace was extended to me . . . one more time.

grace n. 4.a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill. b. Mercy; clemency. 5. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence. 6. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.