Chapter 11

My Mom Dying

    About this same time,  I was becoming very concerned about my mother, Jackie. She had had cancer for a number of years and we all endured an endless loop of chemotherapy, remission and re-emergence. Shortly before my moving to Phoenix, I had made a trip to California to see her  -  things looked to me to be getting worse and worse.

    About 7 years earlier she had met a young lady and they had taken to one another. The lady and her own mother were pretty much estranged, so my mom became kind of a surrogate mother to her. As a result, there was a wonderful, caring person to take care of some of my mom’s needs - running around, doing errands, etc. I was also relieved of the concern that should she need some immediate help, there would be someone there for her. I was not, however, relieved of the worry about her condition.

    About three weeks after getting to Phoenix we had a prayer service. During our prayer services, we typically go around the room and ask everyone what they would like prayer for.  It could be for yourself, a loved one or any request that you would like taken to God by everyone in the church. I obviously had a number of requests - my mom, the sale of my home, my children, success in my job - the list went on and on. Certainly foremost in my mind was my mother.

    It was obvious that she didn’t have long to live and her life was getting pretty miserable. She had lost control of her bodily functions and was in constant, considerable pain. Every time I talked to her it just broke my heart to see her suffering. I didn’t know anything else to do but pray for her. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that is almost always the best thing to do.

    Anyway, we (the church) brought her needs to God by prayer. I asked that God either heal her or take her home because she was suffering so. I knew that he would answer, but I hoped he would see this as a rush request (you know - Lord give me patience, but hurry). He must have, because the very next morning my mother passed away, relatively peacefully.

    I felt relieved and guilty all at the same time. Obviously relieved that her suffering had, at last, ended and yet, guilty because I had prayed for her to be called home. She and I had our problems but I never questioned her love for me. She couldn’t have children, so when she got me all of her attention went to me, even to the detriment of her marriage to Walt. I had lost one of the few people who loved me without reservation.

    The funeral itself was a simple graveside service with me giving my mom’s eulogy. That was pretty tough. It was a relief that her suffering was ended but to get up and talk about the wonderful memories and such really tested my composure. It was her last request and I sure couldn’t turn her down.

    After my mom’s funeral, there was the pretty bewildering chore of transferring the title to the house, closing the bank accounts, drivers licenses, etc.. My employer was pretty good to me and let me have 1½ weeks off to take care of things - that after only working there 3 weeks.

    When Linda brought the kids down for the funeral,  she and I decided that it would be best for our son Aaron to stay with me in Phoenix when they went home. He was not at all happy with that!  He had his friends in Idaho (albeit wannabe gang members) and he fought us tooth and nail to go back home with Linda. Fortunately,  we stood our ground - but it was sure unpleasant there for a while.

    When Arron and I   returned to Phoenix we entered a whirlwind of things to do. Just about everyday after work I would pick up Aaron at the apartment and he and I would work till dark on our house that was being constructed. About March, the manager where I was working was demoted and I became acting manager. I obviously had lots more responsibility and was able to make some changes that were sorely needed. It was a little stressful because my name was in the hat to become permanent, branch manager but I knew that they were also looking elsewhere.

     About this time the house in Twin Falls sold. We were grateful that the house sold for what we were asking, and we just thought that the reason it took so long was because the Lord was teaching us to just trust him.  It did, but there was another reason as well - the timing had to be right.